I was discussing narcissistic behaviors with a friend recently, and they voiced frustration with how the term “narcissist” has become increasingly common in casual conversation. It is often used as a label for anyone exhibiting egotistical or self-centered behavior. However, this oversimplification does a disservice to our understanding of the complex and potentially destructive nature of actual narcissistic personality disorder (NPD).
Their point was valid, as people have often become accustomed to referring to anyone who is self-centered or egotistical as “narcissistic.” This misuse of terminology does everyone a disservice by diminishing the impact of narcissism and preventing people from defending themselves properly from its effects. In my experience, narcissists are the most challenging personalities to deal with in both our business and personal lives.
In the course of our lives, we deal with all sorts of people, good, amazing, and disappointing. You have most certainly encountered difficult personalities in your life. Perhaps one of the most challenging personalities to deal with regarding agreements is a narcissist. In my book “Assholes Matter,” I discussed dealing with the “toxic savior” type of narcissists at length. Unfortunately, narcissists are uniformly disappointing and often harder to spot until it’s too late, as these individuals are particularly insidious, often disguising their narcissistic tendencies behind a façade of altruism and concern for others.
Navigating relationships with narcissists, whether in a personal or professional context, is an immensely difficult task. It requires a deep understanding of the disorder and its various manifestations. It is crucial to distinguish between individuals who are merely self-confident or occasionally selfish and those who exhibit the pervasive, inflexible, and maladaptive patterns of behavior that characterize NPD. Conflating these two groups minimizes the severity of the disorder and the profound impact it can have on both the narcissist and those around them.
It is unfortunate that people conflate egotistical and self-centered behavior with narcissism and assign the moniker wantonly. In doing so, we obscure annoying traits and overlook the danger of the destructive behavioral issues that consume the narcissist. Self-centered and egotistical individuals are not necessarily narcissists. They may exhibit some similar tendencies, but there are significant differences.
Most individuals require a healthy ego to succeed, and although sometimes outsized, it should not be dismissed as purely negative. For example, a salesperson needs a strong ego and sense of self to accept rejection and bounce back quickly. Their strong ego does not make them selfish or narcissistic; no more than a professional athlete who is confident in their ability to score points is egotistical.
To truly comprehend the complexity of narcissism, we must look beyond the stereotypical image of the grandiose, attention-seeking individual. While this type of narcissism, known as grandiose narcissism, is perhaps the most easily recognizable, it is far from the only form the disorder can take. Without defining the forms of narcissism, it is impossible to discuss their impact or ways to counteract their malignant tendencies.
In this series of posts, we will address the types of narcissists, comment on examples, and outline strategies for managing relationships with a narcissist.
Just like most mental health conditions, Narcissism is not a disease. It’s the result of an injury that was never treated properly when the abuse or trauma was inflicted. Over many years, the wound festered, and the narcissistic behavior came into force as a means to defend the narcissist from further pain. Like any other injury, this is a treatable condition, but as we will examine later, admitting that there is an issue is often beyond the narcissist’s capacity despite the clear benefits of treatment.
