Unfortunately, almost everyone has dealt with a manager who doesn’t communicate well, or leaves them feeling like “my manager doesn’t like me.”
This scenario often occurs when a new manager is hired or promoted from another location. It’s uncommon for the new manager to genuinely dislike anyone. However, if they are elevated without adequate training, they are likely to feel heightened pressure, anxiety, and unpreparedness. As discussed in Assholes Matter, while their lack of preparation is the organization’s responsibility, the new manager nonetheless wishes to perform well and establish their credibility.
The new manager’s reactions to colleagues, whether positive or negative, may not accurately reflect an employee’s abilities. Instead, their insecurities and lack of confidence can manifest in subconscious ‘friend or foe’ responses that are driven by basic and often trivial factors, such as a person’s height or resemblance to someone else. Regardless of the reason, negative responses are seen by the entire team and will sour everyone, and make the entire team nervous.
Being the subject of unfair criticism from a manager can be emotionally taxing and difficult. However, it is essential to develop coping strategies! It’s common to feel defensive or upset, but your response can greatly influence the result and your reputation.
Here’s a thoughtful and professional approach to approaching this situation with clarity and assurance.
First, take a step back to process your emotions before reacting. Unfair criticism often feels personal, and it’s easy to let emotions drive your response. Give yourself time to calm down, reflect, and approach the situation with a clear mind. If you have no idea why you’re feeling targeted, it’s likely they may not even recognize the issue, in that case, knee-jerk reactions will only escalate the situation or reinforce negative perceptions.
Ask yourself whether there’s any merit to the feedback, even if it’s delivered unfairly. Sometimes, criticism can highlight areas for growth, even if it’s poorly communicated. Separating valid points from baseless accusations can help you respond constructively.
After reflecting on your performance and feeling assured that the criticism is unfounded, it’s time to address it directly in a professional manner. Schedule a private meeting with your manager to discuss the feedback. Approach the conversation with a calm and solution-focused attitude, using “I” statements to convey your viewpoint. For instance, you could say, “I’dand your feedbac like to understk better. Can you provide specific examples or areas where I can improve?” This approach demonstrates a readiness to engage and grow while steering clear of outright dismissal of the criticism.
If the pattern of unfair criticism continues, documentation will be key. This can be as simple as making notes in your phone’s Notes app, including the date, time, and any comments. If you notice a clear pattern emerging, you can confidently take this information to your HR department with specific examples in hand. Keeping records of your conversations, emails, and your great work can help everyone see your contributions clearly and counter any unjust claims. These notes can also be really helpful if you ever need to bring the issue up with HR or management.
You are not doing this to complain about the manager as a person; you are helping HR become aware of an issue where someone requires additional training. But don’t be surprised or offended if it turns out to be you who receives additional training!
Often, unfair criticism stems from a manager’s poor training and their own stress or communication style rather than personal animosity. Seek to understand their perspective while maintaining boundaries. If you sense your manager is struggling, offering support or asking how you can better align with their expectations may help defuse tension.
If the criticism continues despite your efforts, consider discussing the issue with a trusted senior colleague. Frame the conversation around your desire to grow and contribute rather than focusing solely on grievances. If you focus on your emotions, it will come across as griping, and you may become viewed as the issue.
Ultimately, navigating unfair criticism requires a balance of self-awareness, professionalism, and resilience. By responding calmly, seeking clarity, and advocating for yourself constructively, you can address two issues effectively while maintaining your integrity and fostering a positive professional reputation.
Tackling this challenge is key to developing your leadership skills, helping prevent toxicity before it sets in, and engaging effectively with others! It’s not uncommon for people to shy away from difficult situations instead of facing them head-on. However, those who choose to confront these challenges (even if they don’t succeed) show remarkable strength of character and impressive, innate leadership qualities.
