I’ve worked with and managed high-performers who are egotistical and self-centered. I didn’t enjoy their self-centered attitudes, but I didn’t doubt their commitment. I’ve also worked with narcissists and have come to the conclusion that unless they are willing to put in the hard work to address their challenges and reform their behavior, they will likely need to be promoted out of the relationship and organization!
But we must not start any relationship with a negative attitude, presuming something is amiss. As I wrote in “Assholes Matter,” even the most difficult personalities can be extremely beneficial to an organization. Our responsibility as leaders, and job as managers is to provide everyone around us the tools they need to succeed. Accordingly, our first course of action when dealing with anyone who is negatively impacted by a mental health injury is to treat them with respect and empathy. To do so, we likely will never be aware of their trauma, but we can learn to watch for signs indicative of an injury.
In the case of managing a team of employees, the manner in which we lead needn’t vary from a standard best practice model. However, certain behavioral signatures will be expressed that could be indicative of the potential presence of narcissistic individuals. Here’s some practical tips for identifying and dealing with narcissistic team members within the normal operating routines of an organization:
- Observe behavior patterns: Pay close attention to team members who consistently prioritize their own needs and desires over those of the team. Narcissistic employees may exhibit a grandiose sense of self-importance, take credit for others’ work, and lack empathy for their colleagues. Watch for patterns of behavior that undermine team cohesion and productivity.
- Establish clear expectations and boundaries: As a manager, it’s crucial to set clear expectations and boundaries for all team members. This is particularly important when dealing with narcissistic individuals who may attempt to push limits or manipulate situations to their advantage. Clearly communicate team goals, roles, and responsibilities, and hold everyone accountable to the same standards.
- Foster open and transparent communication: Encourage open and transparent communication within your team. Create a safe space for employees to express their concerns and ideas without fear of retribution. When dealing with narcissistic team members, be clear and concise in your interactions, focusing on facts and objectives rather than engaging in emotional arguments.
- Document interactions and agreements: To prevent gaslighting or manipulation, document important discussions, decisions, and agreements with narcissistic team members. Keep a record of performance issues, feedback sessions, and any instances of inappropriate behavior. This documentation can be invaluable when addressing concerns with HR or upper management.
- Provide support and resources for the team: Recognize that dealing with narcissistic colleagues can be emotionally taxing for other team members. Offer support and resources, such as access to HR, employee assistance programs, or conflict resolution training. Encourage team members to come to you with concerns and be proactive in addressing any issues that arise.
- Address issues promptly and objectively: When narcissistic behavior negatively impacts the team, address the issues promptly and objectively. Focus on specific behaviors and their consequences rather than attacking the individual’s character. Use performance metrics and documented incidents to support your case and involve HR when necessary.
- Prioritize team well-being and success: As a manager, your primary responsibility is to ensure the well-being and success of your entire team. If a narcissistic team member consistently undermines team morale and productivity, despite your best efforts to address the situation, it may be necessary to consider disciplinary action or even termination, following proper HR protocols.
- Lead by example: Model the behavior and values you expect from your team. Demonstrate empathy, collaboration, and respect in your interactions with all team members. By setting a positive example, you can foster a team culture that discourages narcissistic behavior and promotes a supportive and productive work environment.
Managing any team can be challenging. By establishing clear expectations, fostering open communication, providing support, and addressing issues objectively, you can minimize the impact of any individual’s narcissistic behavior on your team’s well-being and performance. Remember to prioritize your team’s overall success and seek guidance from HR and upper management when necessary to navigate these complex situations effectively.